Momster

Parenting Dilemmas: Where Do I Find Resources For Raising a Teen?

Written on April 18, 2014 at 9:49 am , by

By Jill Caryl Weiner

Last weekend, I attended the Brooklyn Baby & Family Expo for work. I must say, as a parent of a teenage daughter and a tween son, I was amazed at the incredible array of resources that were pulled together for this event. There was a panel of pediatricians, demos of the latest gear, advisors on family estate planning, book signings, local and long-distance businesses—from preschools to play spaces to a start-up offering the latest technology in baby spoons.

I think it’s fantastic, but I can’t help but wonder about the resources for parents of tweens and teens. It seems like parents’ magazines pay less attention to the issues and needs of older kids, and some people may even think we have it all figured out. Really? Do we have it all figured out?

I called my friend Jessica to get her take on this. I met Jess 14 years ago, just a month or two after my daughter was born, at a new-parent support group. Arlene Eisenberg, who cocreated the What to Expect book series, led a weekly Q&A to help us struggling new parents and to keep in tune with our concerns. I made some of my closest mom friends through that support group. Before I met these women, I admit, I felt pretty lost.

Jess and I compared this issue of resources—or lack thereof—for teens and tweens vs. babies and came up with a few ideas. Here are some differences.

Brooklyn Baby and Family Expo | Photo by Kelley Brusco

1. Money. The number of businesses out there targeting parents with babies is mind-boggling. For teens and tweens there seem to be lots of test-prep companies as well as camps, but for babies products and services are all across the board. This is actually good news for us parents of older kids. I mean, who needs all that stuff crowding up our homes? Plus the businesses we need are out there, they’re just not as obvious.

2. Shared Issues vs. Specialized Concerns. A lot of new parents share the same concerns about their babies, from feeding and sleeping issues to diapering and teething. But the needs of tweens and teens are more specific to the individual person, as they are discovering who they are and want to be. Parents’ concerns are no longer focused only on the basic necessities but on more specialized issues. Your daughter might require extra help in math or have to wear a retainer, or she might want to volunteer to help the elderly, but those concerns are very specific to her.

3. Bigger Kids, Bigger Problems. The problems we faced as new parents caring for these tiny fragile people seemed momentous. But now most of those issues seem so contained compared to teen and tween problems. Even if it’s just parental anxiety about what might happen (because actually things are going pretty okay), that’s pretty stressful. Parents of older kids may worry about issues ranging from overuse of the Internet, to bullying, to eating disorders, to dating and homework stress and so much more. It can seem like we don’t have anywhere to turn for answers.

Brooklyn Baby and Family Expo | Photo by Kelley Brusco

4. Support Systems. Even though there are a ton of resources available for new parents, these newbies often feel isolated. They don’t realize what’s available, and that’s why an expo can be such a great resource. Parents of tweens and teens have the friendships we’ve made over the years through our children. We have their schools as support systems. Schools offer clubs and teams and have Parent-Teacher Associations gathering experts to speak on issues we’re concerned with. Some recent meetings in high schools around my neighborhood have dealt with eating disorders, bullying—both kid-on-kid and kid-on-parent as well as cyberbullying—saving for college and substance abuse. School counselors are available to meet with students and/or their parents one-on-one.

I really enjoyed the expo. It was like being in a time machine and seeing my husband and kids when this whole parenting world was new and we needed everything. As for life with teens and tweens, Jess and I figured out that although we don’t have it all figured out, we have support systems, including friendships and schools, that are kind of like mini expos we can go to anytime. They’re unmistakable resources that make our lives a lot easier.

Jill Caryl Weiner is a New York–based writer whose work has appeared in Mom365.com, New York Magazine, Time Out New York Kids and The New York Times.

Turn Your House into Your Happy Place

Written on April 17, 2014 at 10:00 am , by

Can’t get Pharrell’s “Happy” out of your head? Us either. So much so, it inspired us to find a few ways to add a little bit of happy to our homes. Here, our favorite colorful, fun and downright cute décor finds. Just one will brighten up your space — think of it as a reward for a job well done spring cleaning. 

Turn your front entry into a mini work of modern art. Triangle Mat, momastore.org, $48

The only swarm of bugs you won’t mind crashing your next outdoor party. Beetle Plates, crateandbarrel.com, $7 each

Hot pink, orange and gold dots dress up a set of chic tumblers. C.Wonder Tall Dots Glassware Set in Pink/Orange, $54/Set of 4.

A perfect fit for preventing water rings. Or snap two together, and you’ve got a trivet. Puzzle Coasters, boconcept.us for stores, $19/set

Get close up to a beautiful bloom with a magnifying vase. Big Bloom Vase, momastore.org, $40

This green guy can be a bedside table in a kid’s room or a stool. Turn it upside down, and you’ve got a bright storage bin or laundry basket. Assembly Home Wire Table, urbanoutfitters.com, $49.

Hot pink, orange and gold dots dress up a set of chic tumblers. C.Wonder Tall Dots Glassware Set in Pink/Orange, $54/Set of 4.

Book Bargains

Written on April 16, 2014 at 2:49 pm , by

Get reading—it’s National Library Week! Download an array of FREE reads. Check out our list of ebooks below.

 

 

Classic eBooks at Open Library

eBooks at Project Gutenberg

Easter Recipes for the Slow Cooker eCookbook

“JIFFY” Recipe Book

Flower Craft Ideas eBook

Australian Lamb Recipe Book

Gardener’s Idea Book

Gooseberry Patch Fall Favorites Recipe Booklet

 

These Kids Aren’t Spoiled: They’re Changing the World

Written on April 16, 2014 at 2:21 pm , by

I think it’s debatable whether todays’ kids are spoiled, overprotected, distracted, game-addicted or less polite than previous generations. That has not been my personal experience with the kids I know. And since the big, splashy, star-studded stage event We Day is currently touring the world, launching a year of social activism for youth called We Act, I happen to have some statistics at hand that I like—and that seem more in keeping with my experience—about today’s kids:

Through their involvement in We Act, over 2 million youngsters have gotten behind local and global causes, volunteered their time, raised money, attended camps to learn how to lead other youth to change the world, and used social media—another often-denigrated modern development—to raise awareness for causes they care about.

These kids have:

• raised $37 million for more than 1,000 local and global causes
• volunteered 9.6 million hours for local and global causes
• collected 4 million pounds of food for local food banks
• logged 7.5 million hours of silence to stand up for children in developing communities who are silenced by poverty and exploitation

It starts with the We Day event, which gets kids pumped up with the message that everyone—no matter how young—can make a difference simply by believing in a cause and doing something about it. Then the site provides schools and families with the resources they need to actually get involved in whatever social change they want to make happen. So maybe, instead of lamenting our kids’ failures (and our own parental mistakes that led there), why not watch the video (above) with them and see what happens?

If kids still doubt they can effect change, point out that We Day and We Act are part of Free the Children, which was founded in 1995 by Craig and Marc Kielburger when Craig was 12 years old. Craig rallied a handful of classmates to rescue children from child labor, and discovered that he could make a difference even though he was himself just a kid. Since then, Craig has become a social entrepreneur, a New York Times bestselling author and a syndicated columnist, and founded a youth organization that has taught 2.3 million young people that they can change the world for the better.

I’m sure there are some spoiled, overprotected kids out there. But they can change. And I can’t get behind this idea that today’s youth aren’t doing anything worthy. They seem like an impressive bunch to me.

Christina Tynan-Wood has been covering technology since the dawn of the Internet and currently writes the Family Tech column for Family Circle. You can find more advice about buying and using technology at GeekGirlfriends.com.

24 People Interview for World’s Toughest Job…The Outcome Will Surprise You

Written on April 15, 2014 at 1:50 pm , by

Here’s something everyone will appreciate, especially moms. The video below was created by Boston agency Mullen, who posted this job listing online for a “director of operations” position at a company called Rehtom Inc.

Some of the requirements included:

• Standing up most of the time
• Working for 135 hours to unlimited hours per week, no days off
• No breaks
• No salary
• No time to sleep
• Be able to work in a chaotic environment
• Degrees in medicine, finance and culinary arts necessary
• The workload goes up on Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s and other holidays
• Did we mention no salary?!

The video takes somewhat of a while (4 minutes) to reveal who the client is. But, trust us, you’ll appreciate the outcome.

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Dove Beauty Experiment Hits a Rough Patch for Women

Written on April 15, 2014 at 12:00 pm , by

By Reisa Feigenbaum

 

What does it take to make women truly feel beautiful? Apparently, something as simple as a patch can do the trick.

Recognizing that beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder, Dove invited 10 real women to take part in a two-week-long social experiment to enhance their sense of their own beauty through the power of a “beauty patch.” Little did they know that the patch contained nothing. But it helped us all learn a powerful lesson about self-perception.

The big reveal is inspiring, with an unforgettable message. After these women found out that their boost of confidence came through their own volition, their lives were forever changed in a way they could never have imagined.

The latest campaign has an important takeaway: Beauty is an empowerment that lives inside every woman.

“We hope to inspire all women and help change the way they see themselves,” says Jennifer Bremner, brand building director of skin cleansing for Dove.

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What the Easter Bunny and Inviting Elijah In Taught Me About My Parents

Written on April 14, 2014 at 1:54 pm , by

Confession: The Easter Bunny terrified me as a kid. And to be honest, I’m still a little wary of rabbits bearing Easter treats. That’s not to say that I’m afraid of bunnies in general, or even giant bunnies in particular (Harvey is one of my favorite movies).

It all started with the Bunny Incident. The fear brought on by that one event extended throughout my Easter-Passover (Esterover, to me) activities, even the opening of the door for Elijah at our seders. (Raised in a family with a Jewish dad and a Catholic mom, I was celebrating multiple holidays before Chrismukkah was even a word.)

When I awoke on Easter morning at the age of 3, my eyes popped. Not from seeing a basket filled to the brim with chocolate and Peeps (you could have bribed me to do anything with those bits of marshmallow goodness) but because of the circle of stuffed bunnies from my toy collection that surrounded the basket. Bunnies of all shapes and colors had their button eyes focused on my basket of treats. How did they get there? I knew they couldn’t walk. That left only one suspect: the Easter Bunny himself. This was the moment I came up with the Bunny Ban.

According to my parents, I shakily stated that I didn’t want the Easter Bunny (a giant 8-foot-tall pink-fur-covered creature in my mind) coming into my room and rummaging through my mountain of toys ever again. When my dad joked that if I didn’t want the Bunny to visit anymore I just had to say something, I pondered. Even at that young age I knew not to bite the hand that fed me. Then I clarified: I still wanted the baskets, but the Bunny had to leave them outside my bedroom door.

Thus the Bunny Ban went into effect. And that would be the case for the next few years. Still, I always felt a little trepidation on Easter night, and that feeling spilled over into our seders. Other than reciting the Four Questions (questions 3 and 4 were always a family effort, since I never could remember them all), opening the door to let Elijah in was my favorite part of the service. But after the Bunny Incident, I started thinking about what might happen if Elijah actually did come in or if the wine disappeared from Elijah’s glass. Similarly, I always wondered what I would do if I caught the Easter Bunny breaking my ban.

When I came to the realization that the 8-foot pink-fur creature was actually my parents, a sense of relief washed over me. Now when I recall the Bunny Incident, I break into a smile. I understand it was actually a very cute sign of how much my parents loved me. Not that I really needed a bunny circle to prove it. They tried to make everything special for me, even letting me open the door for Elijah all by myself as a young kid at Passover.

I also learned a valuable lesson. Sometimes doing something nice for a child backfires in ways you could never imagine. But even when parents make mistakes, most of the time they make them out of love.

 

You Make It, We Post It!

Written on April 14, 2014 at 10:11 am , by

We’re always in the mood for a little something sweet—and so is Instagram user @Switbie_18! She did a great job re-creating our Truffles. They’re perfect as a hostess gift or for indulging at home. Watch below for a step-by-step tutorial from one of our food editors on how to make this dessert.

 

 

Want to be featured here as next week’s chef?

Here’s how: Make a Family Circle recipe, take a photo and share it on Instagram by tagging @FamilyCircleMag and #FCMADEIT.

 

How to make chocolate truffles

Tax Day Savings

Written on April 11, 2014 at 1:00 pm , by

Welcome to our weekly roundup of the best deals on the Web! We love a bargain as much as the next person, so check back every Friday for our favorite family-friendly discounts.

 

 

 

Finally, an upside to Tax Day—reward yourself for filing with any of these 10 awesome food steals. Thanks, Uncle Sam!

Boston Market: $10.40 for Two Half-Chicken Individual Meals with Two Sides and Cornbread

Arby’s: FREE Value Sized Curly Fries or Small Potato Cakes

Orange Leaf Frozen Yogurt: $4.15 for Unlimited Froyo and Toppings in One Cup

Schlotzsky’s Bakery Cafe: FREE The Original Small Sandwich with Purchase of 32 oz Fountain Drink and Chips

Sonny’s BBQ: Half-Price Rib Platter (Irresistible Ribs Special)

Great American Cookies: FREE Original Chocolate Chip Cookie

Sonic Drive-Ins: Half-Price Drinks and Slushes

California Tortilla: FREE Chips and Queso with Any Entrée Purchase
*When you say “Taxes Shmaxes”

Bruegger’s Bagels: $10.40 for a Big Bagel Bundle (Baker’s Dozen and 2 Tubs of Cream Cheese)
*Available April 12-15

Hard Rock Cafe: FREE Dinner Entrée from Select Items
*One small caveat…You’ll have to get on the live music stage and “Sing for Your Supper!”

To the Drill Sergeant in My Head

Written on April 10, 2014 at 11:27 am , by

Written by Rachel Macy Stafford, The Hands Free Mama 

 Stress

Before I began my Hands Free journey, I pushed and pressured and rushed my way through life until I became too busy to breathe. I became too stressed to laugh. I became too distracted to see the precious moments slipping right through my multitasking fingers.

Through a painful revelation while out for a run one day, I realized I was missing my life—the best parts of life. I decided to take small steps toward change. I created designated times to use technology so it no longer consumed my time and attention. I lowered my standards from perfect to good enough. I stopped trying to do it all and made sleep a priority again. I began putting my family, my health and my happiness back on the priority list.

It’s been three and a half years since I began my Hands Free journey. I have not been cured of the Disease of Distraction, but I have made significant progress. I live in today, rather than putting life off for someday. I know my children and my spouse as unique individuals. My smile and laugh have returned. Living Hands Free has not only become the practice of my life but is now a necessity. Like food, water and air, I need it. I want it. I crave it. Connecting to what (and who) matters is what I live for each day.

But it is not always easy. Technology, responsibilities, deadlines and the pressures of daily life are always tapping me on the shoulder, beckoning me away from what matters most. And when I take time to rest, relax, play and simply be, my inner drill sergeant yells, “There is no time for this!”

Three and a half years ago, I would have listened to that demanding voice. I would have jumped up in the name of productivity, perfection, validation and people-pleasing. But now things are different. My Hands Free voice drowns out the drill sergeant, and here is what it says. May these words help you let go and live a little today.

To the Drill Sergeant in My Head

If I don’t have time to cuddle that warm, pajama-clad body with glorious bedhead first thing in the morning,
If I don’t have time to press my lips upon the cheek of the man I love at nighttime,
Then I have to ask.
If I don’t have time to call my aging parent for a quick check-in,
If I don’t have time to offer a smile to the weary cashier at checkout,
Then I have to ask.
If I don’t have time to listen, really listen, to what my child has to tell me from the backseat of the car,
If I don’t have time to tell her all the things I love about her from the edge of her bed,
Then I have to ask…
What DO I have time for?
Clearing the inbox
Scrolling the newsfeed
Cleaning the kitchen counter till it shines?
Buying things I don’t need
Saying yes because I can’t say no
Filling my days till my calendar overflows?
I have to ask…
What do I think makes life worth living?
I know. I know.
It’s the pajama cuddles,
It’s the nighttime kisses,
It’s knowing I said “I love you,” just in case my dad’s ripe old age catches up with him today.
It’s the dandelion bouquets,
It’s the uncontrollable laughter,
It’s the worries my child confesses at the most inconvenient times.
Today I refuse to be too busy,
Too rushed,
Too impatient,
Too distracted,
To experience these moments—these moments that make life worth living.
Today I will not place life’s most pressing matters over the moments that matter most in life.
Because if there isn’t enough time to truly live, then I need to ask myself what I am living for.

 

Rachel is the New York Times best-selling Author of Hands Free Mama. She resides in Alabama with her husband and two daughters, who inspire her daily. You can join her on her journey to let go of distraction and grasp the moments that matter at www.handsfreemama.com

Hit “Post”—Wait, Not So Fast!

Written on April 10, 2014 at 9:00 am , by

I remember when memories had expiration dates. What I mean is that if someone had a picture that you liked, you actually had to ask for the negative or request a copy of the photo. Occasionally, by the time you received the keepsake, you had long forgotten about the event. The good thing about formally requesting a reproduction was the implicit approval residing in the delivery of the image.

That was then. This is now. These days, a photo is taken and uploaded faster than you can say “Cheese!” A quick turnaround is wonderful for sharing a joke and capturing good times, but if you are looking for private moments, you won’t find them in this technological age. And when it comes to children—and more specifically photos of other people’s children—we’re not dealing with a laughing matter anymore.

A recent poll indicated that 57% of parents on Facebook strongly dislike having unauthorized photographs of their children posted. However, most parents feel like they don’t have control over the images. Their wishes and wants are conflicted. As a parent, if you don’t have control, who does?

Perhaps the answer is that every family needs to have a social media and sharing policy. Decide if it’s okay to have your little cherub’s face posted at any time by folks who are not part of your family’s tribe. If it is, have at it. If not, then diligently make sure that your wishes are enforced. That may result in the potentially difficult task of asking friends and family to delete unauthorized photos. By the same token, if you post a picture and are asked to remove it, please do.

In the future, schools and organizations may need to require consent for the release of photographs to protect your wishes. Until that happens, the wiser decision may be to ask, not assume, before hitting the “post” button.

Have you ever asked someone not to post (or to remove) a photo of your child from a website? If so, post a comment and tell me what happened.

Janet Taylor, MD, MPH, a mother of four, is a psychiatrist in New York City. Follow her on Twitter @drjanet.

Got a question for Dr. Janet? Email her at askdrjanet@familycircle.com.

Pennsylvania High School Stabbing Causes Panic and Chaos

Written on April 9, 2014 at 1:40 pm , by

 

Yet another horrible and heartbreaking attack on campus—this time, at Franklin Regional High outside Pittsburgh, where a 16-year-old sophomore went on a violent stabbing spree, injuring at least 20 teens and adults in classrooms and a hallway before he was subdued and handcuffed by a courageous principal and a school resource officer. Somehow, amid the chaos and terror, everyone kept their wits about them—a fire alarm pulled during the attack helped get more people out of the school, and a female student applied pressure to the wounds of one male victim, possibly saving his life. We don’t yet know what prompted the attacks, but there are rumors that the assailant was a victim of bullying. Our hearts go out to the victims and their families. I’ll be hugging my teen a little harder tonight.

 

We’d like to know:

1. How much do you worry about violence at your teen’s school (not much, somewhat, a lot)?
2. Have violent attacks occurred at your kid’s school (yes, no)?
3. Do you think enough safety measures are being taken (yes, no)?